turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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