I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
