She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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