if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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