The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
