i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
