Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
