you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
