I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She's JV to your varsity
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
