my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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