4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
