Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
