i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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