I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
