Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
