He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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