I am in a vortex of obligation.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
