How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
