Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Small penises have feelings too.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
