so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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