The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize