Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
