The maid of honor just puked.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
