she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
