I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
