hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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