you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize