Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
