im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
