You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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