its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
