Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
