I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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