i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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