I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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