I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
