I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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