right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
