I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
