So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
