girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
