A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
