in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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