oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
