hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
