so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
