This is not my ceiling
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
