Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
