is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
