So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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