Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
