addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
