Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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