Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
