I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
