Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
