And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
