i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
