Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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