I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
