Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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