There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
