New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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