I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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