piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Oh god it's open bar.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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