I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
