just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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