big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
