at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
