I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
